I Miss James Bond

Bond, James Bond. The name used to conjure up images of a super-spy. A suave gentleman, wearing a tux. Surrounded by women so hot & sexy, you would leave your loved ones behind forever for a shot at one night with them. A spy who used gadgets, cars loaded with goodies like machine guns or oil slicks. It conjured up images of villains with quirks, unique to anything we've seen in any other movie or television show. Yes, James Bond, secret agent 007 who, in a span of 20 films, thrilled us like no other spy ever has before or since.

You may ask, "Aren't there 22 James Bond movies?" Answer: Yes & No. You see James Bond died with the appearance of this man.

I don't know who this man, but he is not James Bond. This man is not suave. He doesn't shake his martinis. He doesn't use gadgets. He doesn't use his brain. He doesn't do anything that James Bond does. You see, I've seen James Bond before. And this man, is no James Bond.

The role of James Bond has gone to 5 people before they decided to kill off the character who was voted the 2nd best character in the history of movies (2nd only behind Indiana Jones). In order there was:

Sean Connery

Sean Connery was the first to jump into the shoes of Ian Flemming's creation on the big screen. He was good looking, suave, athletic & most important, he could act too. The first film was "Dr. No", where many James Bond firsts happened. He said his famous, "Bond, James Bond." line. He started his wise cracks with lines like, "I think they were on their way to a funeral." He had his martinis, "Shaken, not stirred." And he was definitely suave with the ladies. By the second movie, "From Russia With Love", we were introduced to his gadgets & Q, the man behind them. And Bond was on his way. The first film was getting a feel & by the second, Bond was perfect. Sean Connery is Bond. Unfortunately, he didn't stay with the franchise. He left after his fourth film & then came back for the sixth official film, only to leave again after that one. He did come back in 1983 to do an unofficial Bond film called, "Never Say Never Again.", in which he proved he could still play Bond years after he should have been able to.

Next up was George Lazenby

George has the distinction of being the only one to play Bond once on the big screen (unless you count the original Casino Royale). Ian Flemming himself said that Lazenby looked most like what he envisioned Bond to really look like. The movie he was in, "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" was a very good Bond movie. Lazenby played Bond a lot like Connery did. It's kind of a shame that Lazenby only played Bond once. I would have liked to see him in a few more. But since it was Connery who replaced him, I'm fine with it.

Next was Roger Moore

Roger Moore played a spy in the British shows "The Saint" & "The Persuaders". When he became available, he took over the role of Bond. His first film, "Live & Let Die", was one of the best Bond films ever. As the series went on, Roger played Bond a bit less serious. He used more gadgets, he used more "punchlines", but he was still Bond. Roger did 7 Bond films, making him the actor who played Bond the most, unless you count "Never Say Never Again", which would tie him with Connery. In any case, Bond was alive & well. But, next came Timothy Dalton

Now, when Dalton came along, they decided to change Bond a bit. And the way they did it, was to make Bond keep his prick in his pants. Yes, Bond didn't have sex in the two Dalton movies. However, Dalton's Bond was still Bond, even with this change. But still, Bond fans complained about this minor change in the character & Dalton was gone after two films. True, he was only there until Pierce Brosnan was done with his stint on TV as Remington Steele.

So along come Brosnan

Brosnan was everything Bond is supposed to be. Suave, slick, quick with the wit. He used gadgets & had some crazy-ass vehicles, filled with all sort of gadgetry. But, here is where the Bond series started to go downhill. But, it had nothing to do with Brosnan. The first problem was they decided to make "M", the head of MI-6, a woman. Okay, Judi Dench is a great actress. But to see Bond play opposite a woman who was in charge was not natural. She complained about everything Bond did. Everything that made Bond, Bond. You knew trouble was coming in the series when you heard her call Bond a dinosaur. Word is Dench wants to leave the series, but they won't let her go. Even she knows Bond is no longer Bond. The other problem was bad writing. With none of the books to work off of, the movie makers had to come up with their own ideas. Their own villains, plots, gadgets. And this lead to just making some of the worst films in the series. I can honestly say that "The World is Not Enough" & "Die Another Day" are the two worst Bond movies ever made.

So, what happens when Bond can no longer be Bond & be good? Well, you just end the series, right? Wrong. Hollywood doesn't have any new ideas. Hasn't for quite some time. We can't let the 2nd greatest character in film history die with dignity. We must make him re-born! We must take everything that made Bond, Bond & take it away. We must start fresh, forget everything that happened before. Take the 40 years of greatness & treat it like shit. Take the iconic image of Bond & do the complete opposite. So, the first thing they do is get a blond, muscle-bound, muscle-headed dunce. They make Moneypenny, MI-6's secretary a man. They bring Felix Lighter back from the dead & change him into a Dominican. We get it, change EVERYTHING!


Okay, so let's go through it again & compare this time.

Connery: Suave, smart, quick-witted, gadgets, babes, vehicles, shaken not stirred martinis, Bond
Craig: None of the above

Lazenby: Looked like Bond
Craig: Didn't look like Bond

Moore: Less serious, more "punchlines"
Craig: More serious, no "punchlines"

Dalton: Slight change
Craig: Complete change

Brosnan: Change of the Bond world, slightly
Craig: Complete change of the Bond world

Craig's Bond hasn't one iota of the Bond character in him. His world is completely different & Bond himself has become a brute. An uncharismatic bore. A Bond that doesn't use gadgets or his head for that matter. He doesn't like his martini's shaken. Bond villains that are no more memorable than any villain from any other spy movie. There is nothing left of Bond or the Bond world to consider them Bond movies. They play more like a Jason Bourne movie, full of action, but no substance.

And it is because of this, as a Bond fan, that I cannot consider Daniel Craig to be Bond. If you're going to pretend that this is Bond, but forget everything that happened before, then it is a new Bond. A shit Bond. A Bond I could care less about. If there had never been a Bond before & these were the first movies, then I couldn't care less about the character & he would just fade into the back of my brain, where all the other shitty action characters would go. Because that is what "Bond" has become. A shitty action character. Devoid of any personality.

And so, I say again, "I miss James Bond." I wish he were still with us. You see, he died back in 2002. And it's sad to say, he'll never be back. But they do say, "Never say never."

The Coolest Cartoon Characters of All Time

10. The Lupin Crew: Lupin the Third

Lupin the Third & his gang may be the coolest group you've ever seen. Let's start with Lupin, the master thief with the heart of gold. Always looking for a big score whether it's with valuables or with the women. Jigen, his best friend. So cool, he's a dead shot with any weapon, even though his eyes are always covered by his hat. Then we got Goemon, the samurai. His sword can cut through anything, but he has his honor to keep him in line. Finally, there's Fujiko. Is she a friend or foe? You never know, but she's just as good a thief as Lupin.

9. Goliath: Gargoyles

We all know that being cool is the only way that you can be purple & not have your ass kicked all over the place. Goliath is the leader of a bunch of Gargoyles that were turned to stone, only to return to life in the modern times. This man was cool. He even turned on human women. Rock on Goliath.

8. Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe

In the comics, Snake Eyes was the definition of cool. Mysterious, silent, a killer. True, in one episode of the TV series, Snake Eyes wore a dress. But, it was a disguise! I keep telling myself that, because otherwise, in the cartoon, Snake Eyes was a cool dude. He did what he had to do & saw it through without exemption. Yes, he did it his way. Most of the time, Snake Eyes would go off on his own to get the job done.

7. Afro Samurai: Afro Samurai

Silent, looking for revenge, smoking weed, killing all kinds of motherfuckers! Afro Samurai is one cool mutha fucka! Thought to just be a legend, Afro Samurai takes on all comers who try to take away his #2 headband & so far, nobody's been able to do it.

6. James T. Kirk: Star Trek the Animated Series

Alright, I know it's cheap taking a live-action character & using him on this list by using his crappy Filmation version, but Kirk is a cool fucker. And by fucker, I mean fucker. He fucked anything that moved. From green women to women with hair taller than the size of their heads. He didn't take shit from nobody either. He thought nothing of shoving a photon torpedo up your ass. No doubt Kirk makes this list.

5. Samurai Jack: Samurai Jack

Yes, another samurai. Samurai's are just cool. This one gets thrown into the future by an evil force known as Aku. In this future, Aku has taken over the world & so Jack has to fight all sorts of evil monsters, eventually getting to Aku himself. Of course, Jack's sword never breaks & can cut through everything & anything. Naturally, being a samurai, he uses his sword much more than his words, which is cool.

4. Batman: Batman the Animated Series

Not the shitty Filmation version, not the wimpy Tim Burton version, not the grunty boring Christian Bale version, but the version from Batman:The Animated Series. This Batman is cool. His voice is cool, his actions are cool. What else do you need? Nothing, that's what. Coolness in a cowl.

3. Racer X: Speed Racer

A race car driver who became a spy. He's so good at his job, that even his own family doesn't know who he is. A master of martial arts & the best driver in the world. Oh, did I mention he kills motherfuckers during these races? Yes he does....yes, he does.

2. Optimus Prime: The Transformers

He's a giant robot. He's a semi truck. He's the leader of a group of other robots that fight other giant robots. He has an axe, he has a gun. He kicks ass & he is cool. He's really not more than meets the eye. What you see is what you get. Coolness.

1. Brock Samson: The Venture Brothers

Take Race from the Jonny Quest show. Give him a mullet. Give him a knife. Give him cigarettes. Then, make him the most kick-ass character in cartoon history. You got Brock Samson. Basically, he babysits two little wimps. He always winds up like this....

And he's happy doing it.

Hello Cleveland! Rock n Roll!!!

The Top 10 Music list. Let's face it, today's music pretty much sucks, which is why when we see a list of the best singers, best guitarists, best drummer, etc... it's chock full of people from the 60s & 70s. This list will be no different. Here are MY Top 10 lists of the greatest in music of all time.

Top 10 bands.

The Beatles

10. The Eagles
9. The Rolling Stones
8. ZZ Top
7. The Doors
6. Creedence Clearwater Revivial
5. AC/DC
4. The Who
3. Led Zeppelin
2. Electric Light Orchestra
1. The Beatles

Top 10 guitarists.

Stevie Ray Vaughn

10. Dickie Betts - Duane Allman: The Allman Brothers Band
9. Billy Gibbons: ZZ Top
8. Brian May: Queen
7. Chuck Berry: solo
6. Joe Walsh: The Eagles, The James Gang
5. Rictchie Blackmore: Deep Purple
4. Angus Young: AC/DC
3. Eric Clapton: Yardbirds, Bluesbreakers Cream, Derek & the Dominos, Blind Faith, solo
2. Jimi Hendrix: The Jimi Hendrix Experience
1. Stevie Ray Vaughn: Double Trouble

Top 10 drummers

Gene Krupa

10. Ringo Starr: The Beatles
9. Simon Phillips: Toto, session drummer
8. Ginger Baker: Cream
7. Ian Paice: Deep Purple
6. Neil Peart: Rush
5. Mitch Mitchell: The Jimi Hendrix Experience
4. Nicko McBrain: Iron Maiden
3. John Bonham: Led Zeppelin
2. Keith Moon: The Who
1. Gene Krupa: Benny Goodman

Top 10 bass guitarists

John Entwistle

10. Cliff Burton: Metallica
9. Geddy Lee: Rush
8. John Taylor: Duran Duran
7. Donald "Duck" Dunn: Sam & Dave, Blues Brothers, Eric Clapton
6. Geezer Butler: Black Sabbath
5. Steve Harris: Iron Maiden
4. Paul McCartney: The Beatles
3. John Paul Jones: Led Zeppelin
2. Jack Bruce: Cream
1. John Entwistle: The Who

Top 10 keyboardists/pianists

Elton John

10. Chris Stanton: Eric Clapton, Joe Cocker
9. Jon Lord: Deep Purple
8. Gregg Allman: The Allman Brothers Band
7. Billy Preston: solo, The Beatles
6. Johnny Johnson: Chuck Berry
5. Ray Manzarek: The Doors
4. Ray Charles: solo
3. Billy Joel: solo
2. John Paul Jones: Led Zeppelin
1. Elton John: solo

Top 10 male vocalists

Bon Scott

10. Steve Perry: Journey
9. John Fogerty: Creedence Clearwater Revival, solo
8. Meat Loaf: solo
7. Eric Burdon: The Animals, War
6. Bruce Dickerson: Iron Maiden
5. Freddie Mercury: Queen
4. Jim Morrison: The Doors
3. Roger Daltry: The Who
2. Paul Rodgers: Free, Bad Company, Queen
1. Bon Scott: AC/DC

Top 10 female vocalists

Stevie Nicks

10. Dusty Springfield: solo
9. Olivia Newton-John: solo
8. Gladys Knight: and the Pips
7. Grace Slick: Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, Starship, solo
6. Tina Turner: Ike & Tina Turner, solo
5. Linda Ronstadt: solo
4. Donna Summer: solo
3. Karen Carpenter: The Carpenters
2. Anne Wilson: Heart
1. Stevie Nicks: Fleetwood Mac, solo

Top 10 albums

Rubber Soul

10. Are You Experienced?: Jimi Hendrix
9. Bat Out of Hell: Meat Loaf
8. Machine Head: Deep Purple
7. Out of the Blue: Electric Light Orchestra
6. Who's Next: The Who
5. Led Zeppelin II: Led Zeppelin
4. Rumours: Fleetwood Mac
3. Abbey Road: The Beatles
2. Back in Black: AC/DC
1. Rubber Soul: The Beatles

Top 10 "live" albums

If You Want Blood, You Got It

10. Live at Fillmore: The Allman Brothers
9. Premonition: John Fogerty
8. Eagles Live: The Eagles
7. Frampton Comes Alive: Peter Frampton
6. Absolutely Live: The Doors
5. Live at Leeds: The Who
4. Cream Live, Vol. 1: Cream
3. Made in Japan: Deep Purple
2. Live After Death: Iron Maiden
1. If You Want Blood, You Got It: AC/DC

Top 10 song writers

John Lennon

10. Bob Segar
9. Elton John
8. Billy Joel
7. Barry Gibb
6. Pete Townshend
5. John Fogerty
4. George Harrison
3. Jeff Lynne
2. Paul McCartney
1. John Lennon

12 Movies they should make a sequel to

(In the low announcer voice)In a world where there are no more original ideas, there is a sea of shitty sequels. Since there's no stopping them, I would like them to make a few of movies I actually give a shit about. Here are some movies that I loved, or at least liked enough to want to see more. On each of these, I'm going to write a short idea of what I would like to see if they ever did make a sequel. Hopefully, some movie maker will see this list & get these done.

UPDATE 2019: Note how many of these got a sequel after I said they should. There are some in talks right now. Note that my ideas would have been better than what they wound up doing.

Tron
A video game creator named Flynn gets zapped into the computer world, where he helps a security program defeat an evil program.
I heard they are actually making a sequel, due out in 2011. The story is being kept under wraps, but here's what I would do.

What the sequel should be:
It's now many years later. Flynn now runs a huge video game company. We see some geeky hacker trying to get into Flynn's system to steal some ideas. Inside the computer world, we see Tron is still around. However, he's now been upgraded & spends his time fighting computer viruses (with a bunch of cool fighting scenes). Tron can now transform his body & he now has many more gadgets than just his frisbee. He hears about the hacker's "program" & tries to intercept him. But, the hacker's guy kicks the shit out of Tron & attacks Flynn's computer. Other programs in the system see that Tron has been taken out. A small group of other programs that have nothing to do with security, band together to attack the hacker's program before he makes it back to the hacker's computer with the information. of course, they stop him. To celebrate, Flynn's newest game is about this band of programs.

The Last Starfighter
Alex Rogan, a kid from Earth beats a video game. He is recruited by a group of aliens to fight against an evil armada. Naturally, he wins.

What the sequel should be:
The Kodan armada is pissed at Alex Rogan. The good news for the bad guys, is now they know about Earth. So, they decide to attack Earth & they do it successfully or at least partially. They take over California & set up a base there. All efforts to attack them end in vain. The Kodan slowly start to move across the United States. Meanwhile, Alex & Grig, who have been training a new group of Starfighters, is oblivious to the fact that Earth is in trouble. Louis, Alex's brother who is now in his 20s, is able to break into one of the Kodan's base with a group around his age, to send a message to Alex. Alex & the Starfighters take off toward Earth. They start attacking the Kodan base. But, the base is protected by a shield. When all seems lost, Louis & his group join the fight by destroying the shield from inside, and even stealing a few Kodan ships. Naturally, Earth wins.

Van Helsing
What if James Bond was a monster hunter? That's basically it. Van Helsing kills some of movie's greatest monsters.

What the sequel should be:
Basically more of the same, but with more Kate Beckinsdale in tight clothing. The Frankenstein's Monster is reborn. But, this time the Monster is truly evil. He's on a rampage, killing villagers left & right, & destroying things like an unstoppable Juggernaut. The strange thing is that the dead villagers are returning from the dead as zombies. The Monster is able to control these zombies & uses them as his own personal army. Van Helsing & Anna (Beckinsdale in tight clothing), are able to find the Monster (after killing 200+ zombies & the Creature From the Black Lagoon) & they find out that his body is inhabited with the "soul" of Dracula. But, that's not even the big secret of the movie. The person behind the whole thing is an evil scientist. When Drac/Monster realizes he's being played a fool, he joins Van Helsing in stopping the scientist. At the end, the Monster destroys himself....supposedly. Mwahahaha!

The Thing
A shape shifting alien takes over a group of people living in the Arctic, killing them.

Yeah, I want to see more of this ugly thing!

What the sequel should be:
The Thing makes it to South America, where he tries to replace a small village. The monster would be much cooler as it would be able to take the form of or parts of different animals. The village fights back against the alien, & seems to win. But, a small part of the alien makes its way onto a plane headed towards New York.

The Incredibles
A family of superheroes comes out of hiding & stops a bad guy's plot.

What the sequel should be:
The Incredible kids are grown up now. Violet is now married & has a child. Dash is a ladies man, but has a regular girlfriend now. Jack is all grown up & moved out. In the news there are stories of a group of super powered villains doing evil deeds & robbing ancient artifacts. The Incredibles investigate, but can't figure out who's behind it. They think it's Jack behind the whole thing. It winds up that it's Violet's husband & Dash's girlfriend.

Beavis & Butthead Do America
The guys travel across the U.S. because they think they're gonna get laid. They wind up in a plot about a virus & the government chases them. They never get laid.

Huh huh!

What the sequel should be:
This is the story I told a guy from MTV, when he told me they were making a Beavis & Butthead movie & they couldn't think of anything. The guys find out that prostitution is legal, so they travel across the U.S. because they think they're gonna get laid. They get caught up in a plot where the government chases them. They never get laid.
In any case, these guys need to be back on the big screen.

Deep Rising
A monster attacks a giant cruise ship. 3 people kill the monster & escape to an island. Apparently on the island, there are more monsters.

What now?!

What the sequel should be:
Just pick the movie up where it left off. These guys are on the island & there's some giant monster. The 3 use the island's resources to kill the monster. Simple, yet entertaining.

Galaxy Quest
Old "Star Trek" actors wind up being recruited by real aliens into fighting a war for them.

What the sequel should be:
The group's show is a big hit, but weird things start happening on the set. Things that could only happen with alien technology. The cast starts to disappear. A secondary character from the show is in cahoots with an alien in a plot to get rid of the actors, so he can become the star. A "Quester" fan rescues the group & becomes a member of the show.

History of the World Part 1
A comedy set in different times in human history.

Groovis!

What the sequel should be:
JEWS IN SPAAAAAAAAAACE!!! Although Mel Brooks never meant for the "preview of part 2" scenes to ever be made, I think they should be done as well as a few full-length scenes.

Time Bandits
A bunch of time-traveling little people go around stealing stuff.

4 foot 1!

What the sequel should be:
They are still going around stealing, but it seems that someone is beating them to the punch. They chase the unknown thief through time. When they catch up to him, they find out that it's Kevin, the kid from the first movie, who's now an adult. He spent his life trying to replicate the map & finally does. The Supreme Being shows up to put a stop to it all, destroying both maps, leaving Kevin & the Bandits stranded somewhere in time. But, the world starts to change for the worse. They find out that the Evil Genius has his own map & is traveling around changing history & making the Earth a literal Hell on Earth. The Bandits & Kevin find a crazy man, who has a theory about time portals & helps them to find the portal to the Evil Genius' fortress. They stop the Evil Genius & as a reward, the Supreme Being gives the group a map to "The Most Fabulous Object in the World".

Titan A.E.
The Earth is blown up by aliens. An Earthling named Cale travels in space to find a spaceship that can "create" a new world. He destroys the evil aliens & creates a new world.

What the sequel should be:
Everything seems to be going well on the new Earth, but the weather starts to change for the worst. Earthquakes, hurricanes, severe lightning storms, snow storms, the works. They can't figure our what's wrong with the planet, but Cale's son & his friends find out that some industrialist is drilling deep under ground & causing instability around the planet. They get a band together & venture into the planet's core to shut down the operation. But is it too late? Ask Al Gore.

Undercover Brother
A spy spoof about a black secret agent.

Get me Undercover Brother!

What the sequel should be:
A spy spoof about a black secret agent. No need to revamp Undercover Brother. He's fine just the way he is.

12 Movie Sequels That Almost Ruined Their Franchises

Hollywood has to make a buck, so when a movie is a huge money maker, they run right out & make a sequel. Sometimes the sequels work & in a few cases, they are even better than the original. But, more often than not, they stink. The following is a list of sequels that stink. I mean they really stink, especially when compared to the original movie. In fact, they stink so bad, they almost ruin the original movie. In no particular order:

M.I.B. II
Took too long to get back into it. The characters that were already introduced, have to be re-introduced & it's total boredom. Then, when they finally get going, the story is so stupid, we don't give a shit.

Matrix Revolution & Reloaded
"Yes, Mr. Architect, we get it. Yes, I'm sure, we get it. Yes. Yes. I know. Yes, I know. Okay, you don't have to start over. Nooooooooooooooooo!!!"

Alien 3
Not only do I not care if a bunch of criminals get killed, but it's by a dog-alien. Woopeee! As exciting as watching paint peel.

Halloween 3
6 more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. 6 more days 'til Halloween, stupid movie. Killer Halloween masks. Oh, I'm so scared.

Jurassic Park 2
The first book Jurassic Park was great, but Spielberg actually improved it with the first movie. The second book was just as great as the first one. But somehow, Spielberg fucked it all up. All I had to see was that girl kick the raptor & I lost any ounce of hope I had for this movie.

Ghost Busters 2
Wow! The first movie was a gem, a classic. But when the Statue of Liberty grew joints & started to walk, I literally threw up in my mouth. Speaking of joints, Dan Aykroyd must have been smoking a few when he wrote this clunker.

The Exorcist 2
Holy shit! Bugs, James Earl Jones & African music....for 2 hours. Nuff said.

Mission: Impossible II
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If I had to stare at that girl's eyes bulging out of her head much longer, I would have gone insane, just like her.

Austin Powers: Goldmember
"I love gooooooooold!" Yeah, and I like funny movies. This one isn't.

Smokey & the Bandit 3
"Okay guys, let's take the best character from the first 2 movies & give him his own movie. It'll work. Nah, who cares if we actually give him a story that's funny. It doesn't matter!"

Godfather Part 3
When you can actually laugh at family tragedy, you know the movie sucks.

Speed 2
"3 knots!"...........................................
.....................................................
"2 knots!"...........................................
.....................................................
.....................................................
"1 and a half knots!"................................
And 1 fucking knot in my stomach. Horrendous.

10 Sexiest Female Cartoon Characters

10. Red Hot Riding Hood: Droopy cartoons

She may have been the first animated woman to give men wood. Her movements were so perfect & sexy that many people thought it was an actual woman who was roto-scoped (animation was drawn over the actual film), but she wasn't. As a kid, I could care less. But as a man, I now know why the wolf went crazy for her.

9. Harley Quinn: Batman TAS

Clowns scare some people. But even those people take one look at Harley & melt. Nothing sexier than a girl wearing a full body spandex outfit. Her voice is of a dumb blonde, but she's not as dumb as she seems. Well, her boyfriend is the Joker, so maybe I spoke too soon. In any case, she's one mean bitch, but then again, who isn't?

8. Jun (Aka Princess from "Battle of the Planets"): Gatchaman

My first glimpse of anime women came in the form of a woman dressed as a bird. She had a very slender athletic build & a small chest. But she also had those "fuck-me" crotch high boots. Her eyes were gorgeously huge & she could kick ass too.

7. Baroness: G.I. Joe

Sure, she was the bad guy, but I would let her tie me up any day. Baroness had a sexy Russian accent too, which made you think she knew what to do in bed. Plus, those glasses were so damn sexy. Her body was knock-out perfect & her skin-tight outfit hugged every inch of it.

6. Elasti-Girl: The Incredibles

She could stretch her body into any form you wanted. But even in her "relaxed" state, she had a nice round ass & a waist so thin, you could wrap your hands around it.

5. Dr. Girlfriend: The Venture Brothers

Alright, look at the picture. Now picture that hot girl with the hot body to have a man's voice. And I mean a man who not only sounds like he smoked 10 packs of cigarettes a day, but ate the butts too. I don't know how, but it works. She's damn sexy.

4. Cheetara: Thundercats

She's the ultimate Catwoman, because she's a cat. She has the body of an athlete, but with a nice rack to boot. She was also an expert fighter & able to hold her own against the biggest male adversaries.

3. Josie & the Pussycats: Josie & the Pussycats (& Josie in Outer Space)

More cats. Yes, cats are sexy. Or at least when girls dress as cats, they are. We waited years to see real girls dress in these cat outfits. And when they finally make a live-action film, they don't wear the outfits. Stupid fucks in Hollywood. In any case, Melody is the one to fuck first....and forth....and seventh.

2. Priss: Bubblegum Crisis / Bubblegum Crash

Priss is a popular singer. Think of her having Madonna's popularity, but actually having the talent to sing too. By night, she's a member of the vigilante team, the Knight Sabers. She wears this outfit

for a few reasons:
1) To disguise herself
2) The suit enhances her body, giving her strength & agility
3) It protects her
4) It has weapons
5) Because it's sexy
I like the last reason best.

1. Jessica Rabbit: Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Do I even have to comment here? She was made to be the sexiest cartoon character. They based her a bit on Red Hot Riding Hood & then just made her amazing. I have a friend who admits to masturbating over her. Sure, he's now in a mental institution, but that doesn't mean anything. Right?