Netfix - The Great Netflix Con Game

Alright, in all fairness, I am now a member of Netflix again. I don't know if they changed their policies, I just know that so far, I am happy. I especially like their ability to watch some movies on their site now. Although you can only do it through Internet Explorer, which means I can't do it on my Mac. But they assure me that by the year 2025, it will be possible to do.

Alright, here's the original article;

"Number One is Customer Service", they proudly claim on their website & in their television commercials. "Just put your movies in your personal queue & you'll receive your DVD in about 1 business day." & "Unlimited rentals!" they proudly claim. Sounds like a great offer, doesn't it? Sounds like they know what they're doing, doesn't it? Well, you have a better shot of getting hit by lightning while holding onto the winning lottery ticket than you have of Netflix living up to any of these claims.

Let's start with customer service. I dare anyone to get in touch with someone at Netflix in under 30 minutes. Go ahead, try. I've tried, believe me. Oh! There's a contact us link on the bottom of the page. That must be it. Let me click it. I'm sure it'll bring me right to an email where someone can actually read what my problem is. *Click* Hmmmmm. Well, it says Contact Us on the top of the page. That's a good sign. Here's what it reads;
"Customer Service The fastest and easiest way to solve your service problems is online through the Your Account and Help sections. If you still need to contact Customer Service, you'll be provided with additional information after doing a search in our Help section." Then it provides the following links.
"Your Account": Report service problems quickly and easily.
"Help": Find answers to all your questions about the Netflix site and service. "

Okay, so my problem is that their service is horrible. It's been over 3 weeks & I have yet to get my next DVD. Well, let me try the "Your Account" link first. *Click* Hmmmm. It's all the information on my account. Okay, since this is utterly useless & once again, has nothing to do with contacting them, let me take their advice they give & look for the contact information under the "Help" link. *Click* Hmmmm. Seems they have a few frequently asked questions (or FAQs for my fellow computer geeks) on the right side of the screen. None of them have anything to do with what I want to do, which is complain about their service. Although at this point, the "How do I cancel my membership?" question is looking good. Well, they also said to use the search feature, so I'll take their advice. Let's see, I'll search for "Your service sucks" & let's see what I get. *Click* A list of related questions comes up. What's that one on top? "How do I contact Customer Service?" Holy crap! It worked! I guess a lot of people search for "your service sucks" at this site, because there it is! Let me click it & I'll send my email & we'll be all set to go. Whoops! A drop down screen came up.
"Most problems can be solved by our extensive online help system at the Help Center. You can obtain instant answers using our Quick Links, or search for help by entering key words or phrases in the Search box." Alright, since your Help Center brought me here, you already know it was useless, so why bother telling me this information? I guess it was in case I just click links blindly. I can also obtain instant answer using their click links? If by instant, you mean you'll be redirected to another page which tells you to go back to the last page, you are correct Netflix. Alright, what else does it say here? "If you're still having trouble, email Customer Service." This is it! I just have to click the "email" link & I'm off! I can tell them they suck! It's almost here! *Click* "Please select a category so we can provide you the fastest service:"
NOOOOOOOO! Are you kidding me?!!! Alright, calm down. The first choice is "Shipping and Receiving Movies". That's what you want, so click it. *Click* HOORAY! This is it! There's my email on top & a large window where I can type. Yes, I can type & tell them they suck balls! Mwhaha! Mwahaha! I'm happy! Yes, I'm an internet geek & I love telling people they suck balls! Especially people cheating me out of my hard earned money. But wait! What's this? A drop down window. Oh, they want to know what my question is about. Okay, drop down bitch, where is the "your service sucks balls" choice? It's not there. Okay, so I must choose "other". I wonder how many questions the guy who answers the "other" questions, are just people telling them their service sucks. So, I send off my angry email & click send. I'm sure I'll hear back from them as soon as possible. I'm sure I'll be credited for their horrible service. maybe they'll even give me a free month of rentals! Yeah, sure. They're number one in customer service because nobody wants to go through the bullshit of figuring how to send them a "you suck balls" email.

Now, what led me to spend all this time to send them an angry email that will resolve nothing? An email which will be tossed aside into the "We're number one in service, so we can't bother with negative emails" pile. Well, I already told you that I haven't gotten a DVD in 3 weeks. So, let me explain how it's supposed to work, using the way they advertise it. To use Netflix, you choose a shit-load of movies & add them to your queue. The movie or movies at the top of your queue are mailed to you & get to you the next day. You watch the movie & place it in a pre-paid envelope & mail it back to them. When they get the movie back the following day, they send the next movie on your queue. It's that easy. And if you sign up with Netflix, they usually give you the first 2 weeks for free, as a trial. During that 2 weeks, you will receive perfect service. The movie will always get to you the following day. Always. After that, you're on your own.

So, here's how it went down. Netflix sent me one of my movies on Thursday. It was supposed to get there Friday. Well, Friday's mail comes & there's no movie in my mailbox. So, I go to Netflix to see if something was wrong. Nope, Friday it says. Hmmmm. Oh wait, there's a "report a shipping problem" link next to the movie. *Click* A list of possible problems comes up. There's the one I want, "my DVD hasn't arrived". I highlight that & click next. It tells me that I have to wait 3 days to mark the movie lost in the mail, meaning I have to wait for Sunday to mark it missing. Now Sunday, there is no mail, so I really have to wait until Monday. Sure enough, Monday comes & my DVD still doesn't arrive. So, I go to the "report a problem" section & click that the DVD hasn't arrived. So, Netflix tells me that a replacement will be sent out that day. I go about my business that day & then check on the status of the DVD. I figure it went out Monday & will be there Tuesday. Now figuring the last DVD I had before this I had gotten on the Tuesday before, it makes it a week since I got a movie from Netflix. Well, it would have been a week, IF I had gotten my movie on Tuesday.

I check the Netflix website & look at my queue. Now my "Netflix will ship you out your next title today" message has been replaced with "Shipping tomorrow". WTF? Did I just get lied to...by a web site? I know it wasn't a real person who lied to me, as any trip through the "contact us" link to actually find a real person proves that the entire system is run by HAL from 2001. Okay, maybe I marked it missing too late for their daily mail. Yeah, that's it. So, it'll go out tomorrow & I'll get it the following day. Just relax. You'll get it soon & it'll all go back to normal. The next day I wake up & turn on my computer. Let me make sure that my movie is going out today. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! WTF?!!?!?! "Shipping tomorrow"!!!! I'm cursed! Doomed! Laughed at by an evil computer who doesn't even have emotion. He could read my lips in the pod! He read my lips!! I fall to my bed & pass out. I awake the next day. I know it's the next day as my morning coffee from the day before now has white floating things in it. The coffee is cold & tastes like it's been strained through an old shoe. You know the taste, like the way Starbuck's coffee tastes fresh. I pour it into my toilet & it makes a loud clump. Anyway, since my computer is still on, I decide to hit refresh on the Netflix site.

A smile cracks my face as I read the words, "Your movie has shipped". Ah, yes. My movie will be here tomorrow. I will watch it & return it for my next one. Everything's gonna be alright. Yes, alright. It says my movie has shipped today, Wednesday & will be arriving at my house on Saturday. Perfect, Saturday. I will watch my.....? Huh? Did that say Saturday? My eyes jump back to the arrival date. Saturday! My fist slams into my computer screen. Crack! my hand says. I pull my hand back in pain & look at the screen again. My fist did not change the date. I feel my eyes welling up. I don't know if it's the pain in my hand or the fact that I've been raped by an online rental company. What happened to Netflix's promise? What happened to their advertising plus that they delivered the next business day? Now, I was being lied to by humans. Now, remember I haven't had a movie of theirs in my house for over a week. It would be under two weeks if it got here on Saturday. Want to make a bet if it showed up on Saturday?

Saturday comes & no little red envelope comes. Am I supposed to wait 3 days to mark it late? It already took 3 extra days for no explained reason at all in the first place. But I'm a big man. Let me play by their rules so they can't complain to me. Well, Sunday there's no mail, so I was expecting the movie on Monday. Well, I might as well expected a Victoria Secret model to show up at my house screaming about needing sex right now than that movie showing up Monday. Tuesday, same deal. Luckily now I can mark it missing. I mark it missing & they ship out a replacement that day. I don't understand the difference why it went out right away, but it did. Well, let's skip ahead 4 days, because that was the day that I marked this movie missing as well. Now, when you mark a movie missing, they give a warning that too many missing movies will be investigated & your account will be put on hold. First off, I'm asking for the same movie to be replaced. Why the hell would I want mulitple copies of the same movie? Idiots. Second of all, for all I know, they're not sending the movies out at all. The beginning of the con at work. More on that later.

Anyway, I decide that the Dark Side of the Force is the one who doesn't want me to have this DVD. So, instead of a replacement this time, I ask for a different movie. It's Saturday, so the movie won't get to my place until Monday. Another delay thanks to this "day of rest" bullshit. Monday comes & I'm waiting out front for my mail. I see him. The messenger with a message for the King. Driving his little shit-box car/truck thingy. He pulls up right in front of my house. He knew I was waiting for him! He walks slowly to my steps & kneels before me, handing me the message in it's crimson wrapping. I kick him in his head, just to keep him in line. I excuse him & slam the door in his face. I open the envelope. There it is! The movie that took almost 2 weeks to show up! I turn on my TV. A loud "Frt!" sound tells me it's turning on. I don't even wait to see a picture before I open my DVD player's tray & lay the DVD in it's perfectly shaped cradle. I close the tray & my TV lights up the room! My DVD's title screen displays SONY DVD & a message says "loading" on the front of the player itself. I sit down, remote in hand. Suddenly, a message pops up on the screen, "The disk is dirty & cannot be played". My jaws hits my chest, cracking one of my bottom teeth. I jump up & eject the disk.

I flip it over thinking maybe there's just a little smudge on it. I'll just clean it & it'll work. What I saw was a vast highway of scratches going every which way across the entire back of the DVD. It read like a GPS map telling me how to drive from New York to Singapore. I whip out my cleaning fluid & spray it. I gently take a soft cloth, made for cleaning DVDs & wipe off the fluid. The scratches are still there, but now they're clean scratches. I place the DVD back in the player. No good. I run downstairs & pop it into my second DVD player. Same deal. I pop it in my computer, who's DVD Rom has been able to read DVDs that have been sand blasted. It makes a tick, tick, tick noise & fails to read. I take the disc & want to break it in half. I go to Netflix & "report a problem", telling them the DVD is scratched & won't work. They will send out a replacement....tomorrow. Now, I would like to tell you the end of my tale of woe & cons, but it hasn't ended yet. See, Netflix didn't send out the replacement the next day. They sent it out on Wednesday. Yes, I know it's Friday, so it must be by my house, right? HAHA! No, it's not. See, not only did they delay a day before sending it out, but it's going to take 3 days to get here. So, when I don't get it tomorrow, I'll have to wait for Monday to mark it missing. And we'll start it all over again. Luckily, the end of the month is coming up & I still remember where that "cancel my membership" link was. Hopefully, it won't bring me to another 5 pages before I can cancel their "service".

NETFLIX THE CON!!! Now, we come to the last part. The "Unlimited Rentals" you get from Netflix. Lies! All lies! You will never, ever, never ever, get unlimited rentals from Netflix. Hidden deep within Netflix's contract is a clause made for them. In this clause they say that they can hold back rentals from you if they feel they are sending you too many per month. I guess my 0 movies this month is too much for them. By the way, holding back can mean waiting extra days to ship it to you, or taking extra days to get to you. Now, their reasoning must mean that I am getting too many rentals & getting my money's worth from them. They'd rather have you casually get a movie, wait a few days to watch it & then, get the next one. Which, if you've got half a brain (even computerized), you would realize is worse for business than a renter who watches a movie & sends it right back. See, that movie is back & ready for the next renter. While a casual watcher is holding a movie that could be sent to the next renter. But all that doesn't matter either, as Netflix also has a habit of skipping your top movie in your queue for one that is a little less popular. Next to your movie, you'll be told if the movie is available, or if it's on a long list & you have to wait for it. This doesn't matter, as it's up to Netflix to decide.

So, let's recap. #1: Number one in customer service. Laughable. Maybe the worst business I've ever dealt with.
#2: Ships in about one business day. Pissing your pants laughable. Making you wait extra days before sending it out & then 3 days to get to you, is not "about" one business day.
#3: Unlimited rentals. A flat out lie & a con. They control & hold back whenever & as often as they want. That is not unlimited, it is LIMITED!

So, the NetFIX is in. Someone once said you get fucked at the drive-through. Well, that is nothing compared to the ass-rape you get from Netflix over the internet.