Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The 10 Best Cartoon Bad Guys of All Time.

10. Boris Badenov - The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show

Shaddup you mouth!
Never in the history of cartoons has there been a character so happy to be evil than Boris Badenov. Along with his sidekick, the almost as evil (and somehow strangely sexy), Natasha Fatale, Boris did everything he could to make Moose & Squirrel's life a living hell. He obviously hated America & everything to do with it. But, he also hated his own country of Pottsylvania & did his best to avoid going there whenever possible.

9. Berg Katse - Gatchaman

The original sex change artist
Also known as Zoltar in "Battle of the Planets" & Galactor in "G-Force".
Berg Katse is the leader of Galactor (that was the name of the organization in the original version), an evil alien race, determined to rule the Earth. What set Berg apart from the other alien bad guys, is he was a shape-shifting sex-changer. Yes, sometimes he was a man & sometimes he was a woman! The English versions explain this by saying it was two different people, Zoltar & his sister. Although, even as I kid, I figured out they were one & the same. Although I thought he was just a woman, dressed like a man. Little did I know what screwy heads the Japanese had with their characters. Considering Berg had to deal with the fact that sometimes he had a cock & sometimes not, I have to give him credit that he was able to do as well as he did running the whole show.

8. Cobra Commander - G.I. Joe

COBRA!
Cobra Commander is leader of Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization, determined to rule the world! Kind of like Galactor, but Earthbound. And Cobra's ideas to take over the world were so crazy, that aliens from another world were like, "That's some crazy shit, Cobra!" He always hid his face, either behind a hood, with eye holes, or a helmet with a mirrored front. Somehow, this mirrored face didn't reflect anything. It was Cobra Commander's voice that was the star of the show though. It was raspy & lispy & when he spoke, you listened. Cobra Commander was such a great character, that he even appeared in another cartoon, "The Transformers", which obviously took place years after Cobra was disbanded, as he was pretty much alone. As far as we know, Cobra Commander is still out there, biding his time. Mwahaha! COBRA!

7. General Grievous - Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Kick ass cyborg!
Appearing in the 2nd "season" of the animated Star Wars tale, that takes place between Episodes 2 & 3, Grievous stood out as one mean mother fucker. He killed almost all the Jedi, BY HIMSELF! He stood taller than the Jedis & had 4 arms, which meant, 4 fucking light sabers! He was so cool, that George Lucas said, "He's cooler than any character I ever came up with. Let's put him in the next movie!" Of course, Lucas turned him into a smaller Cyborg with an exposed heart, which was easily shot by a blaster. But, for a small shining moment, in the animated series, Grievous kicked so much alien ass, that Galactor was looking to hire him.

6. The Legion of Doom - Superfriends

It's almost like they know the camera is in the room!
Yes, I know this is a team of Super-villains, but they moved as one. Actually, they pretty much never moved as one. But, that didn't matter either. The LoD had a much cooler HQ than the Superfriends ever had. Their HQ would rise up out of a swamp. And inside, it was just a table that fit all members of the LoD. Their leader was Lex Luthor, the mastermind. They also had Bizarro, Black Manta, Riddler, Giganta, Sinestro, Cheetah, Solomon Grundy, the Scarecrow, Brainiac, Captain Cold, Gorilla Grodd, & the Toyman. Alone, these bad guys kind of sucked, but together....Watch out!!! Actually, they kind of sucked together too. But the name, the name!!! Legion of DOOOOOOM!!!

5. Dishonest John - Beany & Cecil

NYA HA HA!
You know why Dishonest John deserves to be on this list? Because his name was Dishonest John & he was still able to con people (and sea serpents). He had the word "dishonest" sitting there for all to see. But it didn't matter! Nya Ha Ha!!

4. Megatron - The Transformers

Hey Starscream! Wax my ass!
If you could put evil into a robot & then boost up the evil to 11, that was Megatron. He could give two shits about human life. He was all about getting energy & didn't care who or what was in his way. He even treated his own soldiers like shit. He also transformed into the stupidest form, a gun, that only worked if someone shot it for him. It didn't matter. They were all scared of him, the good, the bad, didn't matter. Megatron was Megacool!

3. Bluto - Popeye cartoons

This big mumbling fool was all muscle. It seemed Bluto was only there for one reason, to cock-block Popeye into nailing Olive. And it worked too, because Popeye & Olive never did it. Bluto didn't need any spinach to kick the shit out of Popeye either. He could walk through walls, bend steel bars with his teeth, & toss Popeye a block away. He shaved with a razor so nicked, that a normal man would have bled to death using it on his face. And when he shaved, he had a full beard. The only questionable thing was why was he such a prick to Popeye? Bah, no matter! Bluto is one mean sumamabitch!

2. Joker - Batman: The Animated Series

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
The Clown Prince of Crime! Never mind the Calypso Joker from the 60s, or even the smeary faced dude from the new Batman movie, the Joker from Batman: TAS has them all beat. He is truly maniacal & crazy. Just see him interact with his one true "love" Harley Quinn. He could care less about her, or does he? His plans are diabolical & over-the-top! He's scary, funny, & evil to the core.

1. Venger - Dungeons & Dragons

The Force of Evil!
Talk about evil. This guy wants to kill kids! His father is Dungeon Master, the creator of the Realm of Dungeons & Dragons. Does Venger care? Fuck no! Dungeon Master protects the kids. Does Venger care? Fuck no! The only thing Venger is scared of is a 3 headed dragon, that is about 90 feet tall. It's the only thing that scares him! And I bet even that never made Venger shit his pants. All the kids wanted to do was get back home, but Venger said, "No way little fucks!" and ruined their chances time & time again. Fucking with kids is evil to the core & that's all Venger did. He is truly the champ of cartoon bad guys.

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