Remember when TV shows used to have theme songs? Remember the ones you could sing along to? Shows like Gilligan's Island, The Brady Bunch & I Dream of Jeannie? What? You don't know the words to I Dream of Jeannie? Well, most people don't. I'm listing here a bunch of TV shows with theme song lyrics that most people don't even know exist! Since I mentioned Jeannie first:
I DREAM OF JEANNIE
Jeannie, fresh as a daisy.
Just love how she obeys me,
Does things that just amaze me so.
She smiles, Presto the rain goes.
She blinks, up come the rainbows.
Cars stop, even the train goes slow.
When she goes by
She paints sunshine on every rafter,
Sprinkles the air with laughter,
We're close as a quarter after three.
There's no one like
Jeannie. I'll introduce her,
To you, but it's no use, sir,
Cause my Jeannie's in love with me.
Notes: Love how she obeys me? Sexist much?
Andy Griffith Show
Well, now, take down your fishin' pole and meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
We may not get a bite all day, but don't you rush away.
What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skippin' stones,
You'll feel fresh as a lemonade, a-settin' in the shade.
Whether it's hot, whether it's cool, oh what a spot for whistlin' like a fool.
What a fine day to take a stroll and wander by The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way to pass the time o' day.
We'll have no need to call the roll when we get to The Fishin' Hole,
There'll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey, to doodle time away.
If we don't hook a perch or bass, we'll cool our toes in dewy grass,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw, and maybe set and jaw.
Hangin' around, takin' our ease, watchin' that hound a-scratchin' at his fleas.
Come on, take down your fishin' pole and meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way to pass the time o' day.
Notes: I guess whistling is for fools or something.
Bewitched
Bewitched, Bewitched,
You've got me in your spell.
Bewitched, Bewitched,
You know your craft so well.
Before I knew what I was doing
I looked in your eyes
That brand of woo you've been brewin'
Took me by surprise.
You witch, you witch,
One thing is for sure.
That stuff you pitch
Just hasn't got a cure.
My heart was under lock and key,
But somehow it got unhitched.
I never thought that I could be had
But now I'm caught and I'm kinda glad
To be Bewitched.
Notes: I actually have a sung version by Peggy Lee. Pretty cool!
Bonanza
We got a right to pick a little fight
Bonanza!
If anyone fights anyone of us
He's gotta fight with me!
We're not a one to saddle up and run,
Bonanza!
Anyone of us who starts a little fuss
knows he can count on me!
One for four
Four for one,
This we guarantee.
We got a right to pick a little fight
Bonanza!
If anyone fights anyone of us
He's gotta fight with me!
Notes: To see someone sing this, check out John Leguizamo in "The Pest".
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
Notes: This is the full theme song. The only time the whole song was played was during the first three episodes. Try to catch it on re-runs.
Hogan's Heroes
Heroes, heroes, husky men of war,
Sons of all the heroes, of the war before.
We're all heroes up to our ear o's
You ask questions
We make suggestions
That's what we're heroes for.
All good heroes love a good, big fight
Open up the bomb bays and brighten up the night.
We applaud the people who laud us,
You pull the roses,
We punch the noses,
That's what we're heroes for.
What's a hero do?
Well, we're not gonna tell ya
Cause we wish we knew.
That's why we heroes are so few.
We've got a slogan
From Colonel Hogan
And Colonel Hogan's a hero too.
Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,
Heroes are not born, boys, heroes are made.
Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys,
Answer the call, remember we'll all be heroes forever more.
Notes: Apparently heroes are husky. That's a nice way of saying fat.
I Love Lucy
There's a certain couple that I know.
They're strictly lovebirds,
A pair of turtle dove birds.
He's a guy who wants the world to know.
So ev'ry day
You'll hear him say
I Love Lucy and she loves me,
We're as happy as two can be,
sometimes we quarrel but then again
How we love making up again.
Lucy kisses like no one can,
She's my missus and I'm her man;
And life is heaven you see
Cause I Love Lucy
Yes I Love Lucy
and Lucy loves me.
Notes: Desi Arnaz sings this in one of the episodes.
Leave it to Beaver
Hey! Here they come with a rum-tee tum they're having a toy parade.
A tin giraffe with a fife and drum is leading the kewpie parade.
A gingham cat in a soldier's hat is waving a Chinese fan,
A plastic clown in a wedding gown is dancing with Raggedy Ann.
Fee fie fiddle dee dee they're crossing the living room floor
Fee fie fiddle dee dee they're up to the dining room door.
They call a halt for a choc'late malt or cookies and lemonade
Then off they go with a ho ho ho right back to their toy brigade.
Notes: I guess when you think toys, you think Beaver.
My Favorite Martian
He's a man from Mars
on Earth to take a look
He can read your mind
just like an open book - Yes!
He's a man from Mars
and he's extremely clever
Brilliant & kind
in every endeavor - for instance
"any dog can hear me
on Mars or here
And don't get too near me
or I'll make you disappear!"
Notes: Once in a while, they'll play a sung version of this on The Howard Stern Show, as they call one of their crew (Mr. Fred Norris) the Man From Mars.
The Odd Couple
No matter where they go
They are known as the couple.
They're never seen alone
So they're known as the couple.
As I've indicated
They are never quite separated,
They are peas in a pod.
Don't you think that it's odd.
Their habits, I confess
None can guess with the couple.
If one says no it's yes
more or less, with the couple.
But they're laugh provoking;
Yet they really don't know they're joking.
Don't you find
When love is blind
It's kind of odd.
Notes: A little homosexual undertones in these lyrics, eh?
Star Trek
Beyond the rim of the starlight,
my love is wandring in star flight.
I know he'll find
In star clustered reaches
Love, strange love
A starwoman teaches.
I know his journey ends never.
His Star Trek will go on forever.
But tell him while
He wanders his starry sea,
Remember,
Remember me.
Notes: Gene Roddenberry (the creator of the show) wrote these "never to be used" lyrics, so he can get half the royalties of the theme song. These also may be the worst theme song lyrics ever written. Yes, worse than My Mother the Car.
Buck Rogers
Far beyond the world I've known, Far beyond my time
What am I, who am I, what will I be? Where am I going, and what will I see?
Notes: These lyrics can be heard at the end credits of the original theatrical release of Buck Rogers. In re-runs, it can be heard for the first three episodes.
The Munsters
When you are walking down the street at night
And behind you there's no one in view.
But you hear mysterious feet at night,
Then the Munsters are following you.
If you should meet this strange family
Just forget what some people have said,
The Munsters may shake your hand clammily
But they're not necessarily dead.
Behind their house you mustn't be afraid
To see a figure digging with a spade.
Perhaps someone didn't quite make the grade
With the Munsters, with the Munsters.
If when you're sleeping you dream a lot,
Ghoulish nightmares parade through your head,
And then you wake up and scream a lot,
Oh the Munsters are under your bed.
At midnight if creatures should prowl about,
And if vampires and vultures swoop down.
And werewolves and fiends shriek and howl about,
Oh the Munsters are out on the town.
One night I dared peak through their window screen,
My hair turned white at such a crazy scene.
Because every evening its Halloween
At the Munsters,
At the Munsters.
Notes: I'm scared!
Hawaii 5-0
If you get in trouble, bring it home to me
Whether I am near you, or across the sea.
I will think of something to do.
I'll be on the lookout for you.
And I'll find you — you can count on me.
Notes: I will find you!
M*A*S*H*
Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see . . .
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate but now I know that it's too late,
and . . .That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The game of life is hard to play. I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay so this is all I have to say.
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before I'm beat,
and to another give my seat for that's the only painless feat.
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The sword of time will pierce our skins it doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger . . . watch it grin, but . . .
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key
'Is it to be or not to be' and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
And you can do the same thing if you choose.
Notes: Can be heard in the movie M*A*S*H*
The Flying Nun
Who needs wings to fly?
Certainly not I,
I prefer to take up on the breeze,
Follow any swallow that may please my fancy.
I just close my eyes,
Tiptoe through the skies,
Long as there's a habit standing by,
Who needs things like wings to fly?
Notes: Wouldn't it be awesome if Godzilla Zapped the nun out of the sky?
The Dick Van Dyke Show
So you think that you've got trouble?
Well, trouble's a bubble,
So tell old Mr. Trouble to get lost.
Why not hold your head up high and,
Stop cryin', start tryin',
And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed.
When you find the joy of livin'
Is lovin' and givin'
You'll be there when the winning dice are tossed.
A smile is just a frown that's turned upside down,
So smile, and that frown will defrost.
And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed
Notes: Dick Van Dyke sang this once during the TVLand awards.
I hope you enjoyed these. If you know of any others, please let me know.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I Miss James Bond
Bond, James Bond. The name used to conjure up images of a super-spy. A suave gentleman, wearing a tux. Surrounded by women so hot & sexy, you would leave your loved ones behind forever for a shot at one night with them. A spy who used gadgets, cars loaded with goodies like machine guns or oil slicks. It conjured up images of villains with quirks, unique to anything we've seen in any other movie or television show. Yes, James Bond, secret agent 007 who, in a span of 20 films, thrilled us like no other spy ever has before or since.
You may ask, "Aren't there 22 James Bond movies?" Answer: Yes & No. You see James Bond died with the appearance of this man.
I don't know who this man, but he is not James Bond. This man is not suave. He doesn't shake his martinis. He doesn't use gadgets. He doesn't use his brain. He doesn't do anything that James Bond does. You see, I've seen James Bond before. And this man, is no James Bond.
The role of James Bond has gone to 5 people before they decided to kill off the character who was voted the 2nd best character in the history of movies (2nd only behind Indiana Jones). In order there was:
Sean Connery
Sean Connery was the first to jump into the shoes of Ian Flemming's creation on the big screen. He was good looking, suave, athletic & most important, he could act too. The first film was "Dr. No", where many James Bond firsts happened. He said his famous, "Bond, James Bond." line. He started his wise cracks with lines like, "I think they were on their way to a funeral." He had his martinis, "Shaken, not stirred." And he was definitely suave with the ladies. By the second movie, "From Russia With Love", we were introduced to his gadgets & Q, the man behind them. And Bond was on his way. The first film was getting a feel & by the second, Bond was perfect. Sean Connery is Bond. Unfortunately, he didn't stay with the franchise. He left after his fourth film & then came back for the sixth official film, only to leave again after that one. He did come back in 1983 to do an unofficial Bond film called, "Never Say Never Again.", in which he proved he could still play Bond years after he should have been able to.
Next up was George Lazenby
George has the distinction of being the only one to play Bond once on the big screen (unless you count the original Casino Royale). Ian Flemming himself said that Lazenby looked most like what he envisioned Bond to really look like. The movie he was in, "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" was a very good Bond movie. Lazenby played Bond a lot like Connery did. It's kind of a shame that Lazenby only played Bond once. I would have liked to see him in a few more. But since it was Connery who replaced him, I'm fine with it.
Next was Roger Moore
Roger Moore played a spy in the British shows "The Saint" & "The Persuaders". When he became available, he took over the role of Bond. His first film, "Live & Let Die", was one of the best Bond films ever. As the series went on, Roger played Bond a bit less serious. He used more gadgets, he used more "punchlines", but he was still Bond. Roger did 7 Bond films, making him the actor who played Bond the most, unless you count "Never Say Never Again", which would tie him with Connery. In any case, Bond was alive & well. But, next came Timothy Dalton
Now, when Dalton came along, they decided to change Bond a bit. And the way they did it, was to make Bond keep his prick in his pants. Yes, Bond didn't have sex in the two Dalton movies. However, Dalton's Bond was still Bond, even with this change. But still, Bond fans complained about this minor change in the character & Dalton was gone after two films. True, he was only there until Pierce Brosnan was done with his stint on TV as Remington Steele.
So along come Brosnan
Brosnan was everything Bond is supposed to be. Suave, slick, quick with the wit. He used gadgets & had some crazy-ass vehicles, filled with all sort of gadgetry. But, here is where the Bond series started to go downhill. But, it had nothing to do with Brosnan. The first problem was they decided to make "M", the head of MI-6, a woman. Okay, Judi Dench is a great actress. But to see Bond play opposite a woman who was in charge was not natural. She complained about everything Bond did. Everything that made Bond, Bond. You knew trouble was coming in the series when you heard her call Bond a dinosaur. Word is Dench wants to leave the series, but they won't let her go. Even she knows Bond is no longer Bond. The other problem was bad writing. With none of the books to work off of, the movie makers had to come up with their own ideas. Their own villains, plots, gadgets. And this lead to just making some of the worst films in the series. I can honestly say that "The World is Not Enough" & "Die Another Day" are the two worst Bond movies ever made.
So, what happens when Bond can no longer be Bond & be good? Well, you just end the series, right? Wrong. Hollywood doesn't have any new ideas. Hasn't for quite some time. We can't let the 2nd greatest character in film history die with dignity. We must make him re-born! We must take everything that made Bond, Bond & take it away. We must start fresh, forget everything that happened before. Take the 40 years of greatness & treat it like shit. Take the iconic image of Bond & do the complete opposite. So, the first thing they do is get a blond, muscle-bound, muscle-headed dunce. They make Moneypenny, MI-6's secretary a man. They bring Felix Lighter back from the dead & change him into a Dominican. We get it, change EVERYTHING!
Okay, so let's go through it again & compare this time.
Connery: Suave, smart, quick-witted, gadgets, babes, vehicles, shaken not stirred martinis, Bond
Craig: None of the above
Lazenby: Looked like Bond
Craig: Didn't look like Bond
Moore: Less serious, more "punchlines"
Craig: More serious, no "punchlines"
Dalton: Slight change
Craig: Complete change
Brosnan: Change of the Bond world, slightly
Craig: Complete change of the Bond world
Craig's Bond hasn't one iota of the Bond character in him. His world is completely different & Bond himself has become a brute. An uncharismatic bore. A Bond that doesn't use gadgets or his head for that matter. He doesn't like his martini's shaken. Bond villains that are no more memorable than any villain from any other spy movie. There is nothing left of Bond or the Bond world to consider them Bond movies. They play more like a Jason Bourne movie, full of action, but no substance.
And it is because of this, as a Bond fan, that I cannot consider Daniel Craig to be Bond. If you're going to pretend that this is Bond, but forget everything that happened before, then it is a new Bond. A shit Bond. A Bond I could care less about. If there had never been a Bond before & these were the first movies, then I couldn't care less about the character & he would just fade into the back of my brain, where all the other shitty action characters would go. Because that is what "Bond" has become. A shitty action character. Devoid of any personality.
And so, I say again, "I miss James Bond." I wish he were still with us. You see, he died back in 2002. And it's sad to say, he'll never be back. But they do say, "Never say never."
You may ask, "Aren't there 22 James Bond movies?" Answer: Yes & No. You see James Bond died with the appearance of this man.
The role of James Bond has gone to 5 people before they decided to kill off the character who was voted the 2nd best character in the history of movies (2nd only behind Indiana Jones). In order there was:
Sean Connery
Sean Connery was the first to jump into the shoes of Ian Flemming's creation on the big screen. He was good looking, suave, athletic & most important, he could act too. The first film was "Dr. No", where many James Bond firsts happened. He said his famous, "Bond, James Bond." line. He started his wise cracks with lines like, "I think they were on their way to a funeral." He had his martinis, "Shaken, not stirred." And he was definitely suave with the ladies. By the second movie, "From Russia With Love", we were introduced to his gadgets & Q, the man behind them. And Bond was on his way. The first film was getting a feel & by the second, Bond was perfect. Sean Connery is Bond. Unfortunately, he didn't stay with the franchise. He left after his fourth film & then came back for the sixth official film, only to leave again after that one. He did come back in 1983 to do an unofficial Bond film called, "Never Say Never Again.", in which he proved he could still play Bond years after he should have been able to.
Next up was George Lazenby
George has the distinction of being the only one to play Bond once on the big screen (unless you count the original Casino Royale). Ian Flemming himself said that Lazenby looked most like what he envisioned Bond to really look like. The movie he was in, "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" was a very good Bond movie. Lazenby played Bond a lot like Connery did. It's kind of a shame that Lazenby only played Bond once. I would have liked to see him in a few more. But since it was Connery who replaced him, I'm fine with it.
Next was Roger Moore
Roger Moore played a spy in the British shows "The Saint" & "The Persuaders". When he became available, he took over the role of Bond. His first film, "Live & Let Die", was one of the best Bond films ever. As the series went on, Roger played Bond a bit less serious. He used more gadgets, he used more "punchlines", but he was still Bond. Roger did 7 Bond films, making him the actor who played Bond the most, unless you count "Never Say Never Again", which would tie him with Connery. In any case, Bond was alive & well. But, next came Timothy Dalton
Now, when Dalton came along, they decided to change Bond a bit. And the way they did it, was to make Bond keep his prick in his pants. Yes, Bond didn't have sex in the two Dalton movies. However, Dalton's Bond was still Bond, even with this change. But still, Bond fans complained about this minor change in the character & Dalton was gone after two films. True, he was only there until Pierce Brosnan was done with his stint on TV as Remington Steele.
So along come Brosnan
Brosnan was everything Bond is supposed to be. Suave, slick, quick with the wit. He used gadgets & had some crazy-ass vehicles, filled with all sort of gadgetry. But, here is where the Bond series started to go downhill. But, it had nothing to do with Brosnan. The first problem was they decided to make "M", the head of MI-6, a woman. Okay, Judi Dench is a great actress. But to see Bond play opposite a woman who was in charge was not natural. She complained about everything Bond did. Everything that made Bond, Bond. You knew trouble was coming in the series when you heard her call Bond a dinosaur. Word is Dench wants to leave the series, but they won't let her go. Even she knows Bond is no longer Bond. The other problem was bad writing. With none of the books to work off of, the movie makers had to come up with their own ideas. Their own villains, plots, gadgets. And this lead to just making some of the worst films in the series. I can honestly say that "The World is Not Enough" & "Die Another Day" are the two worst Bond movies ever made.
So, what happens when Bond can no longer be Bond & be good? Well, you just end the series, right? Wrong. Hollywood doesn't have any new ideas. Hasn't for quite some time. We can't let the 2nd greatest character in film history die with dignity. We must make him re-born! We must take everything that made Bond, Bond & take it away. We must start fresh, forget everything that happened before. Take the 40 years of greatness & treat it like shit. Take the iconic image of Bond & do the complete opposite. So, the first thing they do is get a blond, muscle-bound, muscle-headed dunce. They make Moneypenny, MI-6's secretary a man. They bring Felix Lighter back from the dead & change him into a Dominican. We get it, change EVERYTHING!
Okay, so let's go through it again & compare this time.
Connery: Suave, smart, quick-witted, gadgets, babes, vehicles, shaken not stirred martinis, Bond
Craig: None of the above
Lazenby: Looked like Bond
Craig: Didn't look like Bond
Moore: Less serious, more "punchlines"
Craig: More serious, no "punchlines"
Dalton: Slight change
Craig: Complete change
Brosnan: Change of the Bond world, slightly
Craig: Complete change of the Bond world
Craig's Bond hasn't one iota of the Bond character in him. His world is completely different & Bond himself has become a brute. An uncharismatic bore. A Bond that doesn't use gadgets or his head for that matter. He doesn't like his martini's shaken. Bond villains that are no more memorable than any villain from any other spy movie. There is nothing left of Bond or the Bond world to consider them Bond movies. They play more like a Jason Bourne movie, full of action, but no substance.
And it is because of this, as a Bond fan, that I cannot consider Daniel Craig to be Bond. If you're going to pretend that this is Bond, but forget everything that happened before, then it is a new Bond. A shit Bond. A Bond I could care less about. If there had never been a Bond before & these were the first movies, then I couldn't care less about the character & he would just fade into the back of my brain, where all the other shitty action characters would go. Because that is what "Bond" has become. A shitty action character. Devoid of any personality.
And so, I say again, "I miss James Bond." I wish he were still with us. You see, he died back in 2002. And it's sad to say, he'll never be back. But they do say, "Never say never."
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Coolest Cartoon Characters of All Time
10. The Lupin Crew: Lupin the Third
9. Goliath: Gargoyles
We all know that being cool is the only way that you can be purple & not have your ass kicked all over the place. Goliath is the leader of a bunch of Gargoyles that were turned to stone, only to return to life in the modern times. This man was cool. He even turned on human women. Rock on Goliath.
8. Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe
In the comics, Snake Eyes was the definition of cool. Mysterious, silent, a killer. True, in one episode of the TV series, Snake Eyes wore a dress. But, it was a disguise! I keep telling myself that, because otherwise, in the cartoon, Snake Eyes was a cool dude. He did what he had to do & saw it through without exemption. Yes, he did it his way. Most of the time, Snake Eyes would go off on his own to get the job done.
7. Afro Samurai: Afro Samurai
Silent, looking for revenge, smoking weed, killing all kinds of motherfuckers! Afro Samurai is one cool mutha fucka! Thought to just be a legend, Afro Samurai takes on all comers who try to take away his #2 headband & so far, nobody's been able to do it.
6. James T. Kirk: Star Trek the Animated Series
Alright, I know it's cheap taking a live-action character & using him on this list by using his crappy Filmation version, but Kirk is a cool fucker. And by fucker, I mean fucker. He fucked anything that moved. From green women to women with hair taller than the size of their heads. He didn't take shit from nobody either. He thought nothing of shoving a photon torpedo up your ass. No doubt Kirk makes this list.
5. Samurai Jack: Samurai Jack
Yes, another samurai. Samurai's are just cool. This one gets thrown into the future by an evil force known as Aku. In this future, Aku has taken over the world & so Jack has to fight all sorts of evil monsters, eventually getting to Aku himself. Of course, Jack's sword never breaks & can cut through everything & anything. Naturally, being a samurai, he uses his sword much more than his words, which is cool.
4. Batman: Batman the Animated Series
Not the shitty Filmation version, not the wimpy Tim Burton version, not the grunty boring Christian Bale version, but the version from Batman:The Animated Series. This Batman is cool. His voice is cool, his actions are cool. What else do you need? Nothing, that's what. Coolness in a cowl.
3. Racer X: Speed Racer
A race car driver who became a spy. He's so good at his job, that even his own family doesn't know who he is. A master of martial arts & the best driver in the world. Oh, did I mention he kills motherfuckers during these races? Yes he does....yes, he does.
2. Optimus Prime: The Transformers
He's a giant robot. He's a semi truck. He's the leader of a group of other robots that fight other giant robots. He has an axe, he has a gun. He kicks ass & he is cool. He's really not more than meets the eye. What you see is what you get. Coolness.
1. Brock Samson: The Venture Brothers
Take Race from the Jonny Quest show. Give him a mullet. Give him a knife. Give him cigarettes. Then, make him the most kick-ass character in cartoon history. You got Brock Samson. Basically, he babysits two little wimps. He always winds up like this....
Lupin the Third & his gang may be the coolest group you've ever seen. Let's start with Lupin, the master thief with the heart of gold. Always looking for a big score whether it's with valuables or with the women. Jigen, his best friend. So cool, he's a dead shot with any weapon, even though his eyes are always covered by his hat. Then we got Goemon, the samurai. His sword can cut through anything, but he has his honor to keep him in line. Finally, there's Fujiko. Is she a friend or foe? You never know, but she's just as good a thief as Lupin.
9. Goliath: Gargoyles
We all know that being cool is the only way that you can be purple & not have your ass kicked all over the place. Goliath is the leader of a bunch of Gargoyles that were turned to stone, only to return to life in the modern times. This man was cool. He even turned on human women. Rock on Goliath.
8. Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe
In the comics, Snake Eyes was the definition of cool. Mysterious, silent, a killer. True, in one episode of the TV series, Snake Eyes wore a dress. But, it was a disguise! I keep telling myself that, because otherwise, in the cartoon, Snake Eyes was a cool dude. He did what he had to do & saw it through without exemption. Yes, he did it his way. Most of the time, Snake Eyes would go off on his own to get the job done.
7. Afro Samurai: Afro Samurai
Silent, looking for revenge, smoking weed, killing all kinds of motherfuckers! Afro Samurai is one cool mutha fucka! Thought to just be a legend, Afro Samurai takes on all comers who try to take away his #2 headband & so far, nobody's been able to do it.
6. James T. Kirk: Star Trek the Animated Series
Alright, I know it's cheap taking a live-action character & using him on this list by using his crappy Filmation version, but Kirk is a cool fucker. And by fucker, I mean fucker. He fucked anything that moved. From green women to women with hair taller than the size of their heads. He didn't take shit from nobody either. He thought nothing of shoving a photon torpedo up your ass. No doubt Kirk makes this list.
5. Samurai Jack: Samurai Jack
Yes, another samurai. Samurai's are just cool. This one gets thrown into the future by an evil force known as Aku. In this future, Aku has taken over the world & so Jack has to fight all sorts of evil monsters, eventually getting to Aku himself. Of course, Jack's sword never breaks & can cut through everything & anything. Naturally, being a samurai, he uses his sword much more than his words, which is cool.
4. Batman: Batman the Animated Series
Not the shitty Filmation version, not the wimpy Tim Burton version, not the grunty boring Christian Bale version, but the version from Batman:The Animated Series. This Batman is cool. His voice is cool, his actions are cool. What else do you need? Nothing, that's what. Coolness in a cowl.
3. Racer X: Speed Racer
A race car driver who became a spy. He's so good at his job, that even his own family doesn't know who he is. A master of martial arts & the best driver in the world. Oh, did I mention he kills motherfuckers during these races? Yes he does....yes, he does.
2. Optimus Prime: The Transformers
He's a giant robot. He's a semi truck. He's the leader of a group of other robots that fight other giant robots. He has an axe, he has a gun. He kicks ass & he is cool. He's really not more than meets the eye. What you see is what you get. Coolness.
1. Brock Samson: The Venture Brothers
Take Race from the Jonny Quest show. Give him a mullet. Give him a knife. Give him cigarettes. Then, make him the most kick-ass character in cartoon history. You got Brock Samson. Basically, he babysits two little wimps. He always winds up like this....
And he's happy doing it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
